If you have children under 18, making a will is about far more than money. Appointing guardians in a will lets you say who you would want to care for them if you die before they become adults. Without that direction, the people closest to your children may be left facing uncertainty at an already painful time.
This is one of the most personal decisions a parent can make. It can also feel overwhelming, particularly when there is no obvious choice. The aim is not to find a perfect person or predict every future circumstance. It is to make a considered decision now, record it properly and give your children the best possible protection should the unthinkable happen.
What does a guardian do?
A guardian is an adult appointed to take responsibility for a child if there is no surviving parent with parental responsibility able to care for them. They may make decisions about where the child lives, schooling, medical treatment and day-to-day welfare.
A guardian does not simply become a substitute parent on paper. They take on a major practical and emotional role. That is why the right choice usually comes down to more than affection. You need someone who can provide stability, make sound decisions and put your child’s needs first over many years.
In England and Wales, a parent with parental responsibility can appoint a guardian in their will. The appointment normally takes effect when there is no person with parental responsibility living who is able or willing to care for the child. The exact position can depend on your family arrangements, including whether the other parent has parental responsibility, so it is sensible to seek specialist advice where circumstances are complex.
Why appointing guardians in a will matters
If you die without a will, your wishes about who should care for your children may not be known or may be disputed. Family members might have different views about what is best. In difficult cases, the court may need to decide arrangements based on the child’s welfare.
A valid guardian appointment does not prevent a court from becoming involved if there is a serious disagreement or concern for the child. The child’s welfare will always be the central consideration. But your will gives clear evidence of your considered wishes and can prevent uncertainty becoming conflict.
It is particularly valuable for unmarried parents, blended families and households where grandparents, step-parents or other relatives play a large role in a child’s life. Never assume that the person you would naturally expect to step in will automatically have the legal authority to do so.
Who should you choose as a guardian?
Start with the person’s relationship with your child. A loving aunt, grandparent, sibling or close friend may be a good choice, but a close bond is only one part of the picture. Think about whether they have the time, health, temperament and willingness to take on parental responsibility.
Location matters too. A guardian who lives nearby may help your child remain at the same school and stay close to friends, while someone in another part of the country may offer more practical support or a stronger family network. Neither answer is automatically right. It depends on what would give your child the greatest sense of security.
Consider the guardian’s own family circumstances. Do they have young children already? Are they approaching retirement? Would taking on another child place financial or emotional pressure on them? These questions can feel uncomfortable, but they are kinder to ask now than to leave unanswered.
Your values should also play a part. You may want someone who shares your approach to education, religion, routines or family life. That does not mean they must raise your child exactly as you would. A guardian needs room to parent in their own way. What matters is that you trust their judgement and know they will provide a safe, caring home.
Speak to them before naming them
Do not appoint someone without having an honest conversation first. They may be touched that you have thought of them, but they also need the opportunity to consider what the role could mean for their work, home, finances and existing responsibilities.
Talk through the practical realities. Would they be willing to have your children live with them? Would a move be likely? How would they manage school runs, childcare and their own family commitments? You do not need every detail settled, but a clear conversation avoids a painful surprise later.
It can help to appoint a first-choice guardian and a substitute. Your first choice may become unable to act because of illness, age, changed circumstances or because they die before you. Naming a reserve guardian means your will still gives useful direction if life changes.
Should a couple be appointed together?
Many parents choose a couple, such as a sibling and their spouse or close friends who are married or in a long-term relationship. This can make practical sense, particularly where both adults already have a strong relationship with the child.
There is a trade-off, however. Relationships can change. If you name two people jointly and they later separate, the arrangement may no longer reflect what you want. Naming one person as the primary guardian can provide greater clarity, while your letter of wishes can explain the wider support network you hope will remain involved.
Your will should be reviewed after major changes in family life, including separation, remarriage, the birth of another child or a significant change in a chosen guardian’s circumstances.
Guardians, executors and money for your children
The guardian is responsible for the child’s care. The executor is responsible for administering your estate. They can be the same person, but they do not have to be.
Keeping the roles separate can sometimes be sensible. A guardian may have enough to manage with day-to-day parenting, while a different trusted person may be better placed to deal with paperwork, property and investments. On the other hand, one person may be well suited to both roles and understand your family’s needs well.
A will can also set out who should look after money inherited by children until they are old enough to receive it. This may involve trustees, who manage assets for the child’s benefit. The guardian may need funds for housing, clothing, school costs and everyday life, but they do not automatically have free access to a child’s inheritance. Clear drafting helps ensure money is available for the child while being protected for their future.
For parents with a home, life insurance, savings or business interests, this is where professional will-writing support can be particularly useful. The guardianship decision and the financial plan should work together.
Add a letter of wishes
Your will is a legal document, so it should remain clear and focused. A separate letter of wishes can give your chosen guardians useful personal guidance without turning your will into a detailed parenting manual.
You might explain your child’s routines, medical needs, school preferences, important relationships and the values that matter most to you. You could also include practical details about pets, clubs, family traditions or contact with wider relatives.
A letter of wishes is not usually legally binding in the same way as a will. Still, it can be hugely helpful to the people caring for your children. Keep it somewhere safe, tell your executors and guardians where it is, and update it as your children grow.
Make sure the appointment is valid
Good intentions only help if your will is properly made and can be found when it is needed. Your guardian appointment should be clearly written into the will, alongside your choice of executor and instructions for your estate.
For a will to be valid in England and Wales, it must generally be signed by you in the presence of two witnesses, who must also sign. Witnessing rules matter. If a witness, or their spouse or civil partner, is due to benefit under the will, that gift can fail. Choosing independent witnesses avoids unnecessary risk.
Once your will is complete, store the original safely and let the right people know where it is kept. A will hidden in a drawer, or one that cannot be located, may cause the same uncertainty you were trying to prevent.
A simple checklist before you decide
Before finalising your will, make sure you have:
- chosen a first-choice guardian and a suitable substitute;
- spoken openly with each person you want to appoint;
- considered how your children would be supported financially;
- reviewed whether your family circumstances affect parental responsibility; and
- arranged safe storage for the signed original will.
No parent wants to imagine their children growing up without them. But putting your wishes in writing is an act of care, not pessimism. A clear will gives the people you trust a stronger starting point, and gives your children the reassurance of a plan made with them firmly at its heart.